


Again, Again, Again

by orphan_account



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 04:31:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15162734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Set after the City of Glass epilogue. Alec just wants to hear Magnus say those words.





	Again, Again, Again

Magnus let out a breath, a sigh releasing the weariness of the strenuous past few days, the exhausting mixture of happiness and tired grief, the countless near-deaths and immeasurable tolls his body has taken. His eyes closed, and he felt himself waver, before opening his eyes druggedly to a light, cool touch on his hand. It was a touch that happened to be connected to a finger, connected to a hand, connected to a body, connected to a face that held the bluest eyes he’d seen in some centuries now. 

He smiled, despite the exhaustion. How could he not? The face smiled back, just as weary, and laced fingers through his. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Magnus could see the strange mixed group of Shadowhunters, Sunshine-immune vampires, and werewolves glance back with grins or curious eyes before continuing to shuffle back to their respected houses. He could sense, awkwardly, that the Lightwood parents were the ones lingering the most, and he felt an annoyance at the feeling of rushedness they gave him, like he needed to start speed up the time he had with Alec and say goodbye. He had decidedly mixed feelings, in general, about Maryse and Robert Lightwood, leaning more towards the sour side, but he would willingly set them aside for now for Alec. For Alec, he would willingly set sour feelings about the Lightwoods aside for years. But he would make sure not to forget. He might even grow to forgive, but never forget.

This annoyance was smoldered as he saw Alec wave them off, casually, to leave without him and give them some time. And Magnus’ heart stuttered again, replacing this annoyance with stupidly naïve happiness for the stupidly naïve boy in front of him. 

And even though he had had no sleep for days now, Magnus became awake, drowsy but up, in a fog of high, and he was smiling.

“That wasn’t too bad,” Alec noted, indicating that his parents were at least out of hearing range. Magnus noticed the surprise and complete joy that leaked through Alec’s words, as well as a little bit of shyness, hesitation. “I didn’t think that was bad. Did you think that was bad?”

Magnus grinned and couldn’t help himself from kissing Alec’s hand. And then his neck. And his cheek. “No,” Magnus shook his head- partly to rid himself of the heavy sleep that’d settled over it- and pulled Alec closer, so that they were nose to nose. “No, it wasn’t. I’d even say that it was mildly okay.”

And they just looked at each other for a while, suspended, waiting for something, even though Magnus wasn’t sure exactly what. It was comfortable, no nervousness, complete happiness, but there was still something that needed to be said, or done, apparently, on Alec’s part. 

So Magnus waited.

He didn’t have to wait for long.

“You  _love_  me?” The words were shy, and completely filled with wonder, like Alec was holding a diamond and couldn’t quite get himself to believe that he was holding it. Perhaps that was a bad comparison. Alec, for some reason, had a complete mental block and ignorance for anything shiny, glittery, or awesome when it came to fashion, and Magnus suspected that applied to jewelry as well. However, being understanding, Magnus couldn’t blame Alec for this mild fashion incompetence, and now felt hope and a soaring, delirious sort of joy when he realized that they both now had time in front of them to fix this problem together. 

Magnus was extravagantly pleased to see that Alec’s uncertain, nervous insecurity about their relationship was mostly gone. Still, though- there were bare hints of worried concern there, in Alec’s open expression, like there was some persistent, nagging little voice that whispered in a tiny breath of doubt that Magnus was going to take it all back, take back his love, decide that Alec wasn’t worth it anymore. It was miniscule, but there.

“Haven’t we already established this?” Magnus- his hand resting on the curve of Alec’s jaw, his thumb brushing itself against a cheekbone- was a little embarrassed at how much love was in that sentence he just uttered, but also completely giddy, because- ah, screw it. Who else was there to judge? Nobody else mattered but Alec. And the way that sentence lit up his near-porcelain features, shining from the inside out-

 _God_. Magnus couldn’t help himself from closing the gap between their faces. Particularly in a way that collided both of their lips. And now, with the weight of exhaustion pushing him down and Alec being here, with him, kissing back with so much energy and feeling, Magnus was quite close to being overwhelmed into passing out. 

Magnus’ lips travelled to the very cheekbone his own thumb had been brushing earlier. Alec’s lips were just a little too much; maybe a different spot would help him stay awake…

“I just,” Alec admitted, sounding shy, euphoric, out of breath. “Loved… hearing you say it.”

Magnus paused and blinked, a little dazedly, trying to connect his thoughts back together. He realized what Alec was saying. “You mean, ‘I love you’?”

He glanced at Alec’s face at precisely the right moment. Alec’s eyelids closed. All of his breathing was put on hold. Both of Alec’s hands, which had been gripping onto the back of Mangus’ neck and hair, tightened. And the most delicate expression of bliss and a disbelief rested on his visage. 

After Magnus freezing, in marvel, enjoying three long seconds of shocked observation, Alec began to slowly loosen and breathe again. “I-” a couple of words tumbled out while Alec tried to get some grips on reality. He mumbled something incomprehensible, a string of blubber, before managing, “ _Yes_.”

He was near able to function again, but Magnus was not ready to be done. He kissed Alec in a messy rush, stopping himself as to not black out, and repeated, his words all rough air, “ _I love you_.”

Again, Alec partially crumpled, clutching onto Magnus for support, his eyes closed, his breathing stopped. And when Magnus, watching all of this, smiling as wide as his smile could reach, kissed he spot just under Alec’s earlobe, Alec let out a heavy exhale and held on to Magnus’ hair. 

Just as he began to stand again, Magnus threw a couple more in, sneaking in kisses between each one- “ _I love you- I love you- I love you-_ ” 

Alec unwittingly fell to the ground, dragging his boyfriend with him, and wrapped his legs around Magnus’ body. Magnus just about fainted right then, embarrassingly, with blue spots tinging his vision. 

They were both just about to collapse into sleep, with Magnus fighting the blackness leaking into his head and Alec barely able to keep his eyes open. As much as Magnus wanted to continue- and trust that he wanted to continue very, very badly- he knew that their bodies both wouldn’t be able to go on for much longer anyways, and it really would be frowned upon to black out on one of the Idris hills alone together. So Magnus, with as much self-control as he could possibly manage, held off and waited for them both to restrain themselves and collect their breaths. 

Once he was fairly certain that Alec’s mind could function again, Magnus tugged on his boyfriend’s (unfortunately tasteless) brown sweater. He was still a little bit more winded than he’d have liked to sound. “We… should be… going.”

Alec put a hand to his head and blinked a stupendous amount of times before rising. “Yeah,” he agreed. Magnus was impressed. He sounded adequately normal. “Yeah. We… should go.”

Magnus swayed as he stood and shook it off. He needed all of his energy… A few more moments, and he’d be home… 

“Wait,” Alec asked, a sharp voice slicing through soupy thoughts, as Magnus began to regain balance and walk a few steps away. “Where are you staying…?” 

Magnus smiled tiredly. “At Ragnor Fell’s place. But I was thinking more along the lines of going home, at the moment.”

Alec stared, apparently momentarily awakened from his stupor. “To your  _apartment_?”

Magnus stifled a yawn and noticed Alec’s expression. “I’ll come back. I already… Already made-” he failed at holding one of his yawns back, and had to pause to let it pass before continuing on, “Already made the Clave aware of it. I just need to… Rest there. The New Council won’t meet for another few days…”

“You look like  _hell_ ,” Alec reminded him, in complete shock.

“In this suit? Impossible." 

"You’re not Portalling out of here. You can’t even stand.”

“I’ve handled worse.” Magnus wanted to reassure Alec that he’d be back in a couple of days, that there’d be more time for them together, if that was partly what he was worried about, but admittedly he didn’t have much energy to spare.

“No. No, no. Back to Rangarg Fell’s-”

“Ragnor,” Magnus corrected, a pang striking him at the memory of his old friend.

“We’ll both go-”

Magnus sighed. “My apartment. That’s what I need. Not Ragnor Fell’s grimy house-”

“Magnus. Please.”

“I love you.”

Alec melted. He didn’t fall over, exactly, with his focus somewhere else, but still, his expression smoothed out, and his eyes glazed a little, and it looked very melt-y. Magnus knew from this moment on that he’d never be able to keep himself from marvelling in the effect those words had on Alec’s body.

“Magnus-” Alec managed. “If you… If you’re Portalling… I’ll just have to go with you, then.”

Magnus was near ready to protest when he realized- with a start, imagining kisses and coffee and more “I love you"s to come- that this was actually not a very bad idea at all.

"Your parents? They’re fine with that?”

Alec’s face turned about twenty shades of red. “I… I’m eighteen. I can go where I want… Although I might leave out the part about being… At… With-”

“Someone has to know where you are-”

“That someone’ll be Izzy and Jace.”

“Your stuff…?”

“Packed, already. We were going to leave tomorrow anyways. I’m coming with you. It’s decided. Anyways-” Alec stubbornly kissed Magnus on the cheek, and Magnus melted a little himself, his fog deepening and senses heightening- “If you faint, someone’ll have to drag you through the Portal.”

With that, Alec rushed off, arriving back in seven minutes, giving Magnus enough time to make the decision that Alec was most definitely not going back to his apartment and that this was a particularly terrible idea. But upon Alec’s determined appearance, luggage in tow, eyes bright, he left Magnus no choice but to go forward with the Portal and be dragged by the beautiful boy through his apartment, to his room, and on his bed, where he promptly, slurredly, deliriously told Alec, “Stay,” before passing out besides him.

****

He awoke to the smells and sounds of heaven. The coffee machine was on.

Which meant Alec was here.

Magnus lay, still, under ruffled sheets, before noticing the ruffled pillows beside him and- hesitantly- sniffing them. Every person had a scent to them, and although Alec’s was faint, he had one, too- a mixture of clean shampoo, fresh deodorant, laundry, and sweat. The pillow smelled just enough of evergreen  shampoo. He’d been here, beside him. He’d slept through the night with him.

Magnus closed his eyes, almost delirious with joy.

I t was hard to remember how quickly things changed. It was all so sudden- just a week ago, he’d been ignoring Alec’s many, many calls, trying his best not to hurt or give in, trying to accept the breaking and picking up the pieces to what might’ve been. 

He’d been ready to leave it all behind.

And then Alec…

He changed everything.

And- Magnus tried to focus back to the most recent memories. The Portal. Cloudiness, exhaustion, some kissing, and-

Oh, this he recalled with perfect clarity. Alec’s expression when Magnus said the three magic words.

He had to find a way to somehow preserve that memory forever. He realized with a terrible sadness that Alec was eventually going to get used to those words and react less and less as time went on. It almost wanted Magnus to stop saying it as much, but he knew that wouldn’t do at all. Alec needed and deserved to hear that phrase every single day. 

There was a rattle at the door, and there Alec was, catching the tray he was just about to topple. He caught Magnus’ eyes, embarrassed, and grinned a little sheepishly, setting the tray down and holding two mugs of coffee with his hands instead.

“I,” Alec started, unable to stop smiling, which gave Magnus the same uncontrollable urge to smile. “Don’t know why I didn’t just hold them in the first place.”

“Hmm.” Magnus set the coffee mug on the dresser for now and tugged down on Alec’s shirt. Alec, worried about his drink, was mid-protesting before Magnus held with him the longest, deepest kiss he could give after just waking up. He could taste the bitter drink on Alec’s tongue.

With a start, Alec pulled away, set aside his mug, and promptly climbed on top of Magnus to properly make out.

Magnus grinned in approval, pushing forward, sleepily trying to catch as many kisses as he could. Alec, in response, pinned his hands down on either side of Magnus’ head, and firmly kissed back, legs wrapping themselves around his waist. The name “Alexander” tumbled from Magnus’ lips, and Alec shivered before clenching the bed in his hands and kissing Magnus even harder. 

Magnus couldn’t stop himself. He had to say it- “ _I love you._ ”

Alec didn’t disappoint. 

His arms wobbled, and he fell into Magnus’ arms, who had to swerve and sit up to catch him. Alec fumbled to readjust himself, but Magnus- with alarming speed- took the liberties of pressing Alec against the bed frame, his knees on either side of Alec’s legs, and told him again, over and over, “ _I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you-_ ”

Alec closed his eyes, his hands desperately grabbing at Magnus. One found sanctuary gripping his jaw while the other managed to slide back to his neck. Magnus’ kisses started becoming rapid-fire, darting all over Alec’s face, neck, chest, shoulders, always finding its way back to his face, which was frozen in a drunk enchantment, breathing heavily. 

“ _By the…_ _Magnus-_ ”

“ _I love yo_ _u-_ ”

Alec somehow found the energy to press Magnus even closer, and then let himself bask in it all. 

Who knows how much time passed- hours, maybe? Minutes? Days? Nothing except the present moment mattered- before Magnus began to tire, slowing his kisses, lips rubbing against Alec’s to see if the nerves there still worked. 

Alec made an attempt to stir before closing his eyes and settling back, pulling Magnus down on top of him. Magnus, in turn, fidgeted until he found the crook of Alec’s neck, wrapped an arm around Alec’s stomach, and breathed him all in- laundry, coffee, shampoo, sweat, and some sort of airy deodorant.   
He kissed Alec’s collarbone and felt some hands tangle through his hair and comb through the mess it’d become. They’d never been in the same bed before last night- he meant the simplest, cleanest form of “in the same bed”, although they’d never done that type of “in the same bed”, either- and he wondered how he could ever sleep without Alec in this bed again, knowing how it felt while he was in it. 

“I think…” Alec said hesitantly. “I think I…”

Magnus looked up, sleepily, expectantly. He blinked once, and Alec looked down with a smile full of something beautiful.

“I think I love you, too." 

Magnus felt it. He did. He felt his heart hurt, and break and rebuild itself, and swell four times its size, and bleed, all at once, hearing those words. But he looked down, trying to ignore it all, and knew something was wrong with them.

"Alexander,” Magnus started, and he could feel Alec freeze and tense at his tone.

“No, nothing bad,” Magnus searched for a hand and found it, holding it firmly. “It's… ah, well. Maybe just… wait, a little bit, before saying that.”

There was a pause. Magnus, chose to stay in his comfortable position, waiting for a response.

“ _You_  said it,” Alec’s chest vibrated, humming into Magnus’ cheeks. There was concern, worry, confusion, hurt there. “Is it the moving too fast thing? I don’t understand how me saying it can be moving too fast if you said it.”

“It’s not moving too fast. Not for me. But for you, perhaps, yes. Maybe. Your friend-”

“Jace?” Alec inquired. “Is this about Jace?”

“You…” Magnus was aware he was on hesitant, unsteady ground. He didn’t necessarily love to talk about Jace, either, but Alec was the especially unstable one when it came to this topic. “Do recall you have only very recently gotten over Jace? Maybe it’s a little hasty to rebound straight into love. And-” he cut Alec off, who interrupted, ready to say something, “I’m not disregarding your feelings. I would very much like to believe that you also…feel that way. But I’m just saying to…maybe think about it. Let it settle in. Wait a little while. Let’s date a little more- exclusively, I might add. This is now an exclusive relationship-” Magnus finally lifted his head to check that he and Alec are on the same page with that. Alec in turn had finally managed to distract himself from his hurt over Magnus’ reaction to let total confusion display itself on his face. It wasn’t a bad confusion, either- a good confusion, that questioned,  _Well, duh. Was that even up for discussion_?

“Good.” Magnus, satisfied, straightened up to look at Alec in the eyes. “I just don’t want you to rush into feelings you’re not sure you have. And I don’t want you to break it off when you realize you don’t return the favor. Ah, yes-” He cut off Alec again, as he saw his mouth begin to move. “I do realize that you like me. A lot. That has been made very clear, and is so very, very,  _very_  appreciated. But take a breath. Take some time to let it all calm down. And we’ll talk about this again in two, three weeks.”

There was a long gaze that passed between them. Alec’s expression- a little tenser before- went soft, and a little crestfallen, and understanding. He let out a little breath of frustration, and Magnus found his way back into that little crook, rubbing his nose against Alec’s neck. 

“Okay. Fine. I’ll take a breath. But you do realize Jace and I were never real?” His voice was so sincere, and so earnest, like he was trying to with one sentence eradicate any hurt or pain he might’ve caused Magnus over this issue- over any issue. “Only you and me.”

Magnus smiled into the place where Alec’s neck met his shoulders and kissed it. Seconds later, fingers found their way into Magnus’ hair. His eyes were closed, and even though he couldn’t see Alec’s face, he knew he was smiling. 

****


End file.
